February 2012
128 posts
it's jenny holzer day @ cave to canvas →
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2.9.12
i almost just cried with…relief? or pride? something… listening to my parents verbally duke it out with my aunt and uncle over the occupy movement and mortgage disaster while i sat in the back of their cadillac on the road back to their mcmansion. their house was bought with GM money, so the irony almost choked me. they have a very comfortable lifestyle, to say the least. and yes,...
sometimes trains smell like pee and it’s really cold and you can feel the sleepless cramps in your hips and shoulders and the sun is rising and life is really beautiful anyway.
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She Thinks She Can Warn The Stars: Subjectivity,...
yes, no? terrible? honestly?
i’m split.
other suggestions?
(the second part is set, but i need a pithy reference before the colon and i’m just not finding the PERFECT one i feel is out there, and i have to decide on a title for the posters etc. for presentations soon.)
?
(it’s from “the black art.” the other poem i’m considering is “her kind.”...
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is using a line from anne sexton in the title of...
undoubtedly.
am i going to do it anyway because she’s like the queen of 20th century housewife/mother/poet madwomen and even disregarding that i feel like it would be a travesty to not reference her in this project just for nestling into my soul years and years ago?
probably.
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some people take flights well rested, right?
or is that a myth?
so far, my experience points to ‘myth.’
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shaking-my-confidence replied to your post: of course because it’s 12:38 and i have to leave in five hours and i haven’t packed or washed my hair
oh thats pretty! you should bring things to my work someday and i can frame them beautifully for little to no money.
ooooh, i should! this is just this frame from ikea, so it was relatively affordable for something matted.
where do you...
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of course because it's 12:38 and i have to leave...
i’ve decided now’s a great time to hang things on my living room wall.
(no hammering, just putting things in frames. i’m not that terrible of a neighbour.)
it’s crooked, but it’s there. this is metaphorically relevant. more to come.
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theinarticulateone replied to your post: 2.8.11
is this supposed to be from 2011? i just got done with a 3 hour class so maybe i’m asking a dumb question
ha ha ha, oh my god, no. it’s not. that’s just my brain not adjusting to the fact that we’re nearly a month and a half into 2012.
fixing it now!
(thanks.)
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2.8.12
it seems like i say this all the time but i’m trying to work on verbalizing good things and not just complaints and criticisms
so.
i really love that i can be in my apartment with a floor lamp and a couch and it’s all mine and i can sit in my high waisted, militantly unfashionable jeans and my cut up shirt from walk for choice (from almost exactly a year ago, when everything was...
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someone miraculously got an A- on her math...
i started writing something about hegemonic femininity and “acceptable” vs. “unacceptable” vulnerability and how that plays out in mental illness for my thesis and it somehow turned into a rant about princesses and paragons and who gets to choose to be a stay at home mom.
it would be really nice if you could turn on the rest of the way, brain.
this is not blogworld. this...
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“you know, i wish i was born before google was invented so i could invent...”
– heard from the sidewalk outside my bedroom window.
dude, i think there’s a little more to inventing things than just being born before someone else gets to it.
also—there are many many things in the world that still need to be invented. spend your time thinking about what those might...
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“i wish it was over and done and we were goin’ to the grocery store right...”
– kacie b from the bachelor gets it. she’s secretly a southern, cloyingly sweet liz lemon. i see you, girl.
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2.7.12
i yelled at someone in my class tonight. enough that other people (who like me better than they like him, so whatever) gave me looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. and usually in a situation like that i would try to make light of it and apologize at the end of class even if i wasn’t sorry but this time i was like NO that was totally justified and i will not try to make my...
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i need more sleep
i need more friendly in-person human contact
i need more protein
i need more sleep
i need more sleep
i need more sleep
i need more tea
i need to stop mock-watching the bachelor until 7AM after reading until 3
file under: i need more sleep
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the job that i sent a writing sample and my...
i don’t want to jinx it, but i can’t tell you how fantastic it would be to not feel the constant and all consuming anxiety over how will you pay rent? how will you pay rent? how will you pay rent? also you need to buy both parents birthday presents oh and there’s an electric bill, too.
it would be really nice.
send good thoughts, please.
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i just met with my prof to talk about my thesis (more. it’s taking over everything.) and she asked who i was kind of looking to for guidance, in terms of academically building on other people’s work. and i told her about the elizabeth donaldson article i really liked on mental illness and social constructs of femininity but also disability theory and real experiences of women with...
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“Her heart was exceptionally loud—not with love,
But with knowing. Knowing...”
– Rex Wilder, from “Séverine in Summer School” (via aubade)
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i spent 20 minutes on my makeup today for fun
and the first person i saw said, “oh! are you sick?”
i think i imprint on Boys Who Give Me Tea.
maybe it’s some long forgotten self preservation thing.
in other news, the guy who talks about my hair whenever it changes colors and/or my clothes match it now knows what i want without asking.
i was like, “could i have a big hot water”
and he was like “yeah, i know what you get!”
there was also potentially suspicious...
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glory glory hallelujah, i finished "night falls...
and it was good, if kind of dense and clinical at times. which is sort of why i was reading it. but ANYWAY.
yes.
if you’re looking for an informative book on suicide (wow, that reads strangely and could be easily misconstrued…) that looks at it from a psychological and neurobiological perspective…i would suggest this.
kay jamison’s writing is surprisingly lyrical and...
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i am grinning while filling out the independent study application forms online.
oh my god, such a nerd.
nostalgia addicts should not be allowed to have...
i KNOW that i wasn’t happier, prettier, sweeter, and better eight moths ago.
but it’s SO HARD to look at pictures of myself from then and actually remember it.
because i look at them and i seem happier, prettier, sweeter and better.
i also seem like someone who wrote her final geography paper while drinking vodka from the bottle. and that was a really good night, actually, full of...
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happy burritos.
these burritos are delicious, and i feel like not-a-failure, and i feel healthy both in a “there is protein in here and also THREE DIFFERENT VEGETABLES!” way and in a “look at that, you, you just walked to the grocery store and bought food and came home and prepared that food (which involved not only chopping but ALSO heating with fire) and you’re eating it now and you...
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i just went grocery shopping with very little...
i deserve some acting-like-a-proper-grown-up gold stars, i think.
and if anyone asks, of course i didn’t impulse buy ice cream. no. that’s not what grown-ups do.
(oh my god this itty bitty thing of häagen-dazs strawberry ice cream is ambrosia.)
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my favorite perfume just shattered on my bathroom floor.
dec 14th 2009-feb 6th 2012
you vacuum up the glass shards and life goes on.
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creature.
when i have a more stable living situation (i.e. i’ll not be expecting to move back in with my parents or into a strange sublet in michigan in a matter of months) i think i’ll get a dog. taking care of them is expensive and time consuming, but having my dog around really helps my mental/emotional state and i miss her more than i’m consciously aware of all the time, when i’m...
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tomorrow needs to be busy and productive:
i will skip class because it’s a monday and nothing’s due
i will walk to the grocery store & buy an onion
i will do laundry
i will change my sheets
i will make burritos
i will read for my tuesday night class
i will write a 3-4 page paper for my tuesday night class
i will (hopefully) finish this book because i wanted to have it read by saturday. apparently 300 pages a day is...
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things i remember from
wisconsin:
the local bus & (not having anything to contribute to) conversations about football
the coal powered car ferry
a dead fish
a ceasar wrap
fields
minnesota:
ellie
crossing the mississippi, which i guess would be in the twin cities-ish
a hotel with a barn
a mad (ultimately fruitless) bagel search
a very earnest man in blue denim overalls who i predicted was on his way home...
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stephen fry being startled by sheeps' labia in...
oh my god.
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stephen fry in america
deals with race in a really crappy “we’re post racial!” way.
ick.
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a scruffy young man in flannel and a cardigan...
just in case you were wondering.
i started crying looking at a 50/50 gif of JGL’s character and his mom before surgery and then i remembered how magnificent my eyeliner is and i promptly tried to stop.
this says so much about my life.
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i might have to go to a public place tomorrow to...
this reading in my living room thing is getting tedious to the point of completely unproductive.
i'm reading about genetic dispositions to mental...
and realizing
my dad’s brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia as a child
my dad, while wonderful, has a tendency to be…a little melancholic, to say the least. in a lot of ways that are similar to mine and a lot that are different.
my paternal grandma may or may not have officially had a drinking problem, but definitely had untreated...
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babies & tabula rasa & know-it-all (gnostic)...
with regards to this meme/post about babies and atheism.
i feel like this is still a matter of belief/opinion. like, everyone in the universe doesn’t uniformly accept tabula rasa as a Thing That Is True. so.
this is the problem i have with gnostic atheism, i think, and why i call myself an agnostic. it seems so arrogant and positivist sometimes to be like “we have the answer and you...